Crying in the Dark
It’s a ominous day - dark and cold, much like my mood. I cried last night in the dark,allowing myself to feel sadness for the first time during this Corona Crisis. I woke up and cried again in the morning. I’ve been on autopilot for a variety of reasons - things need to get done: SBA Loans, PPP, lines of credit. dealing with vendors, and pushing things forward. I need to be a positive role model, teaching yoga online.
I cried again in the rain this afternoon - walking my dog in the rain. I stopped and perched on a wooden fence, overlooking the East River and Brooklyn Bridge. Looking through the glass at Janes Carousel in the park by the water. Marveling at the views that I have found breathtaking every single day thatI’ve actually been home. Which up until now has been very infrequent.
Perhaps I’ve been numb and in denial, in shock and heartbroken for people, animals and the planet at large. Maybe living in the land of HOPE, I was assuming this would just pass quickly, leaving me more informed, evolved, aware ohh and 10 lbs lighter. I’ve been busier than ever - working, managing, zooming and doing House-parties with friends around the world. My To Do list has grown as exponentially as the virus. I’ve struggled with my focus, discipline, procrastination and PMS.
I’m tenaciously persistent, when in crisis I get very calm, strong, resolute and at times unyielding. I also get quiet which is why you have not heard that much from me - unless of course you are on FaceBook :)
A product of onlychildhood - I’m introspective by nature and truly an extroverted introvert. I’ve always, even in relationship had a touch of “ lonely” Now I don’t feel lonely as I feel connected to the common consciousness that is sadness right now.
Where do we go from here ? the million dollar question. We as humans do not sit well with uncertainty, and there is nothing but uncertainty now. In truth, everything was uncertain before, but we all had the illusion that we were in some control- we could travel, go outside without a mask, go to the gym, have drinks with friends and hug.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom tyo know the difference”
I used to recite this every day, somewhere I stopped and today it’s time to return to it. The road ahead is uncertain but I am still putting on my rose colored glasses and praying that the vision gets better.
Join me for Yoga this week:
Here’s the schedule:
Sunday: 12pm (55min)
Monday: 8am (30 min)
Tuesday: 2:30pm (30 min)
Wednesday: 5pm (30 min)
Thursday: 11am (30 min)
Meeting Link: https://zoom.us/j/4425075533